To My Beautiful Baby:
Monday night we soaked in the bear-claw tub with soft country music playing and the room lit via candles. I wept. I know you heard and felt my tears. One part selfishness, two parts fear, and three parts love.
One part selfishness: For the past 10 months, I have had you all to myself. Every stretch, kick, elbow, flutter. All mine. I have watched you grow with each passing doctor appointment. Heard your sweet heartbeat from the outside and felt your hiccups on the inside. And I just wasn’t quite ready to share you with the whole wide world. I don't know that I still am...I just want to keep you warm & safe.
Two parts fear: Fear of the unknown and fear of not being good enough. I am telling you right now that as your mommy, I will make mistakes. Probably every day. But they will be out of love. I vow to be the best parent that I can be at all times. Believe in me and believe that I am trying my best. Always.
Three parts love: Love for the miracle of life, love for the journey of pregnancy, and most of all love for you. I have not even tried to fathom the amount of love my heart will carry for you once we meet today. I knew whatever I thought my heart might feel would be blown out of the water in real life. The love between a mom and her first born is something special. I know because I am the first born and even though Sammy & I don’t always agree, I know she loves me no matter what. When we don’t get along, when we don’t see eye to eye, remember that I love you. With each passing day, I will love you stronger and stronger. You have my heart. Now and forever.
I love you,