I knew that I wanted to incorporate the kids into telling Ryan that I was pregnant. I racked my brain for ideas since I had a few days as he was out of town. I kept coming up short with something over the top or elaborate. So I finally settled on simple. Signs and balloons. Because what kids don't love balloons! Getting them to stand still and in order was the tricky part. As Ryan came down the basement stairs, they forgot to let him read the signs and rather ran screaming "Mommy is pregnant!"
The. Most. Amazing. Thing. Happened. On. Tuesday. February. 21. 2017.
Yes, you read that correctly. A pregnancy test that read: pregnant. It happened so fast that I barely had time to finish brushing my teeth. I was terrified to take the test as I was not sure what the result would be. I did feel extremely hopeful that it would read those glorious words. But I was oh so nervous to know for sure, one way or the other.
When I looked to my right after what seemed like only a few seconds of waiting, I began sobbing. Head in hands, brought down to my kneed of thankfulness and gratitude crying. The type of pure joy and peace and faith that can only be found by raising it all up to God.
If you know me, then you know its been a real struggle the past seven months. Having had a later miscarriage at the end of July and suffering postpartum depression coupled with the fear and anxiety of thinking I would never again be able to become pregnant had taken its toll on me. But at the end of January/start of February, I committed myself to restoring my faith in God. To letting go of the anger and sadness, the wanting to know "why me". I was finally ready to accept what happened, move forward for myself and my family's sake, and let God lead me.
And what a beautiful place He has led me...
Because Ryan had taken off for D.C., I didn't actually tell him the news first! My parents were set to leave for GA that morning, so I dropped the kids at school and rushed to Target. I grabbed a grandparents-to-be card and a package of mini chocolate Cadbury eggs. As I was pulling into the driveway, they were loading the car. I quickly signed the card thanking them for starting this every growing crazy family all those years ago and to please pray for us as we add the newest member of the Collins Clan. Then I counted out 10 of the little eggs. I handed my mom the card and the chocolate eggs asking her to count them. She counted 10 and became confused. I said and you have how many grandkids? 4 for Kendahl, 1 for Shane, 3 for me...that makes 8. Plus 1 on the way for Amanda & Shane and 1 on the way..."You're pregnant!" Followed by a huge hug and a few tears and a high five from my dad!
For all of those who have prayed for me/us, from the bottom of my hearts I cannot thank you enough. You have no idea how helpful it has been to be able to talk things through with so many women, family & friends, during one of the most difficult times of my life. Your love is forever etched in my mind and in my heart. Please continue to pray for our family and for our sweet baby!