Station One: Jesus is Condemned to Death

Jesus, you stand all alone before Pilate. Nobody speaks up for you. Nobody helps defend you. You devoted your entire life to helping others, listening to the smallest ones, caring for those who were ignored by others. They don't seem to remember that as they prepare to put you to death.

Much of the 16 days spent in the ICU of Kosair Children's Hospital is a blur to me. Heavily medicated and severe pain had taken over my frail body. But one thing that is clear as day is when the doctor informed my parents & my 9 year old self that they weren't sure what was wrong and the possibility of me dying was incredibly high.  Most 9 year olds would break down. I don't ever remember being afraid honestly. Maybe it was God holding my hand reassuring me that my life had much more to be lived. Maybe it was the strength I saw in my parents eyes despite their trembling inside. I can't say for sure why as a small child when faced with death I remained unfazed. 

But I can tell you that it has shaped my thoughts of death today. I know that my time is borrowed and no one but the Lord knows when it will end here on Earth. So I do not fear or become anxious about dying. It has always been out of my hands and I have always accepted that. 

I have people in my life who love me and who stand by me through the good & the bad. Those same people will mourn & celebrate my life at the same time. They are the people who defend me; help me; advise me; cherish me. I find peace in knowing this and believe that it helps when thinking of death.

I cannot imagine how Jesus felt knowing He was going to die. To die for people who were now turning their backs on Him. Who were leaving Him in the dark after all that He had done & was about to do. He died alone. For you and for me. 

It is a difficult thing to grasp. To comprehend fully. I would die for my child. For my husband. For my parents and siblings. The list stops there. Jesus died for strangers. For sinners. For cheaters. For people not even born yet. And He did it without anyone by His side.

As an adult, sometimes I feel abandoned and afraid as well. Sometimes I too, feel like I am treated unfairly or blamed for things unfairly. I have a hard time when people criticize me at home or at work. Help me be grateful for what you did for me. Help me to accept criticism and unfairness as you did, and not complain. Help me pray for those who have hurt me.

(All italicized quotes/prayers have been taken from www.catholic.org/prayers/stations)