Thursday, June 22, 2017

Pregnancy After Miscarriage: Our Rainbow Baby

It is hard to believe that I am at the half way point of this pregnancy {by the time this posts I will actually be on the other half ;) }. 20 weeks seems long yet short. I have waited these kicks and stretches; these flutters and hiccups. I have held my breath for most of this pregnancy, internally of course. On the outside, I have tried to keep my fears & insecurities contained. Working to put my faith in the Lord that this sweet baby would be safe, growing strong, and thriving in life. It hasn't been easy and I have had "check points" along the way to give me peace of mind. But I am proud of myself for handling pregnancy after miscarriage much better than I ever thought I would.


I have visited Sweet Baby Face twice for extra heartbeat and movement checks. I bought a doppler reader for daily/weekly heartbeat monitors at home. I have teetered around conversations about names and guesses on the gender. I felt like if it wasn't spoken out loud, then it couldn't be taken back. Then it wouldn't hurt so badly if it all came crumbling down. 

This pregnancy is different on an emotional level than any of the others. For two reasons. One being that it does come after a miscarriage. The other being it is the last baby for me. The last pregnancy. The last positive pregnancy test. The last glucose test. The last kicks and moves inside my belly. The last labor. The last delivery. The last joyous moment of meeting my baby for the first time. 

So I am working to enjoy every moment of it. The growth and the monthly doctor appointments. The weekly emails on the size of the baby. I don't mind for the time to pass slowly honestly. I want to savor the last firsts that come with pregnancy. I want to soak up every second of the miracle of life and growing this sweet thing inside my belly. 

Here's to you my sweet baby...thank you for the gift of you and the gift of life you are allowing me to carry!

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