Baby Fears

A peek into my thoughts in the first few weeks:

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to have a family. I know its in part because we grew up without much extended family, and the six of us have always been so close that it made me yearn for a large family of my own. One of my biggest fears was that I would be unable to have children. My mom had a hell of a time trying to conceive me, and her & my dad went through special measures to indeed have their first child. After that though, it was smooth sailing. I am built just like my mom so I figured I would have the same issues. Clearly not considering Ryan and I got pregnant on the very first possible time. Like literally the first time I was ovulating and we were having S-E-X.

So here I am pregnant and I am straight terrified. I question everything I eat to make sure it is "ok." I don't feel preggo most of the time (Ryan laughs at this due to my need to pee all too frequently and my out-of-the-blue tiredness). I am worried that I will miscarry. Or worse that I will be a horrible mom. I think because I am fearful that something bad might happen then I am not allowing myself to feel much towards this whole experience yet.

When I saw the tests (all three of them that I have managed to take sporadically over the past 3 weeks), I was elated with joy and excitement. But as the days pass by, I feel more overwhelmed and anxious. I am hoping that our first doctor's appointment will ease my mind and take all of my worries away. I so desperately want to talk to other newly preggo women to see if they too share in these thoughts & feelings, but I have only disclosed to a short list of people about the good news. For now, I will just anxiously spin my little wheels with questions until doctor time.