This Moment

Ever since I was a child, I feel a certain nostalgia coming home from vacation. I can remember being very young and crying myself to sleep missing the land of wherever I had just visited. I felt this same heart-wrenching emotion when I came home from Chicago after Amanda's bachelorette party. So I was genuinely terrified about returning from Alaska. I'm not sure if it is the fact that I haven't had but 4 days in between our return and my trip to Vegas or the doting fiction novel, love the one you're with, that I just finished reading that has helped me bear the transition of being home. Probably a mixture of both.

The book, which I will no doubt review here soon, was one I felt myself relating to...not in relation to the title of course but to the underlying premise: live in the moment. The past is the past for a reason. Yours, mine, his, hers, everyones. Let it go. And just be. Let the now be good enough. Better yet, let the now be the best.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish many a times that I could change my past as well as others. I've often wished that I could rewrite Ryan's past in terms of relationships, his quirky habits, and his sweet diamond stud ear piercings from high school. I have so badly wanted to erase the mistakes made and the pain felt by siblings. And even though my life motto has been "to live life with no regrets" (because after all I did what I wanted to do in that moment), there are a few things here and there that I might just reconsider.

But as I sit here writing, in this moment, with a glass of wine in my hand and the man I so dearly love reading on the couch where if I time it just right I can get a glimpse of him glimpsing at me, I realize that this moment would not be if any minor detail from both of our pasts had been different.