The Road to Discovery...

**What I am about to share is somewhat personal and on the too much for boys side probably. So to the male readers, feel free to keep reading but you have been warned.

As a teenager, the thought of buying tampons made me queasy. The sheer embarrassment made me just flat out refuse to do it. So I nominated my sweet mother for the task. Obviously now, I throw the damn boxes down on the checkout counter as casual as a People mag. But I can still recall the time when I was too shy for that type of womanhood.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I had a flashback of what was and what is now. You see I've had the same evolution from buying tampons to purchasing pregnancy tests. In high school, a few days after making out with my then boyfriend I had convinced myself that I was pregnant. All of a sudden my stomach was growing so I thought. Nevermind the fact that I could not physically be pregnant because you have to have sex to accomplish that thing. Anyhow, I very awkwardly and sheepishly bought a test. Failed it of course and felt like the biggest fool.

This time around on December 23rd, a few things were different. For starters, my husband and I had indeed been sexually active, and for another, I was not terrified to show my face with one. I proudly scanned the aisles for pregnancy tests and educated myself on the brands. Then I scooped a few greeting cards and made my way to the checkout counter. I displayed my tests front and center for the lady to see. I slyly smiled at the hopes that she might inquire about them. She did remarking, "I hope you get the result that you want." This, naturally, sparked a conversation of me explaining how I was certain that I was not preggo but just in case I thought I'd pick one up, and oh I am sort of hesitant to take it because I feel like I might be disappointed if it turns out negative, not that we were trying or anything. She listened to me with her holiday cheer, and then I paid making my way over to Ryan's.

I didn't work up the nerve to take the test until Christmas Eve in between Ryan's parents and my sister's house. I kept thinking that crimson wave would come riding into town and spoil my holiday season. But patience, as you all know, is not my strong suit so 24 hours was my max time to wait. Home alone while I dropped Beaumont off and everyone was already gathered at Kendahl's, I snuck upstairs to take a test. I pulled the stick out of the box, read the directions, peed on the stick for 5+ seconds, set it on a flat surface for 3 minutes, and waited. Here is how it read:

"Holy shit," I whispered to myself. I literally starred at it for a good 5 minutes making sure I hadn't read it wrong. I was grinning from ear to ear the whole time. Sidebar here for a sec. Ryan had been sick for the past few days so he skipped Christmas Eve all together with both families and was confined to his bed. It was incredibly difficult to keep this secret from him for 24 hours because I did not want to tell him via phone.

Ok back to the story. I played it cool and joined the fam for a lovely dinner at Kendahl & Peter's. With about 25 minutes to spare before the store closed, I excused myself to go to Target to get "a last minute gift." Really I got an adorable gender neutral onesie to tell Ryan with and materials to make a scrapbook page for my parents, in-laws, siblings, sister-in-law, and nieces & nephews. After church, I slaved away making all of the pages until 2am so that they could be presented on Christmas.

Ryan came over Christmas morning, and we ran to Walgreen's to pick up some photos. I handed him his first gift. He opened, confused at first, but then he was smiling and asking if I was serious. Oh yes, very serious. We played it cool the rest of the morning until all of the gifts had been distributed. I ran to get the pages and presented them to each family member on my side. My mom kept repeating, "are you serious?" and my dad broke down in tears and laughs. **I had told Kendahl an hour before because I couldn't hold it in anymore from her. Plus I wanted to keep with the tradition her and I have going about telling each other stuff first ;)

proudly displayed on the pantry door

Sammy & Papa's page :)

Later we spent the afternoon with Ryan's mom's side of the family in Lebanon, and it was so hard not to tell them. We left the pages for his sister in her car, swearing them to silence until we told his parents. We finally headed back to Louisville and placed the pages on their table. Both were in complete shock.

We are so very excited to be expanding our family from 2 to 3. We have such wonderful family surrounding us through this time and guiding us along the way with advice and any questions answered. Your thoughts and prayers for a safe & healthy pregnancy are much appreciated!