Wednesday, November 17, 2010

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

It has been a long time since I have cried on account of being happy. Anyone who knows me, knows that I need a good cry at least once or twice a month. And here lately, the streamline of tears have been those of sadness, fear, exhaustion, and a little more fear. But this week, I have found myself smiling more, relaxing more, and living in the moment more. I have found myself crying on account of being happy.

It is no secret that my relationship is more dynamic than most (and more than I would ideally care for). With dynamics comes complication, and with complication comes insecurities. I don't handle insecurities all to well so I found out. I managed to make an important event and time in Ryan's life rather unpleasant to say the least. It wasn't my intent at all, but I was unable to control my outlandish thoughts and wild emotions.


Something about having a fresh start, a new place to call "ours" has aided in putting my worries and greatest fears at ease (for now). Something about taking time for us has made me realize that I all too often let others be too big a part of our story. Something about the prospect of being a family one day has helped me realize that I am really loved and really treated like a princess. Something about living in the moment has allowed me to see that what we have is real and true and more wonderful than anything that came before "us".

Something about opening my heart to the Lord has let me delight in all that He has planned for me, for my life.

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