The Thompson Fall Bucket List: Go Glamping In the Woods

We have had some of the best adventures over fall breaks in the past: Disney for Halloween, NM for the International Balloon Fiesta, etc. Given all that 2020 has thrown our way, I wanted to keep that spirit alive this year as well. But given the uncertainty of how long the break would be, how that would impact the kids returning to school, and such, we decided to stay local with a staycation getaway. And it did not disappoint! We had a wonderful few days at Progress Park with a little bit of glamping and a lot of adventure. From the picturesque views to the quiet grounds, we enjoyed resting & relaxing without the hassle of travel. We canoed, kayaked and paddle boarded. We ate typical camp food including eggs & biscuits, hash browns, delicious sandwiches, hot dogs, mac n cheese, and of course s'mores! We rocked in the hammock, told stories, competed in board & card games, read books, hiked the nature trail, and played on the playground. We watched the sunrise with cool hands & feet and anticipated the sunset with giddy eyes & a toasty fire. It was a wonderful fall break and just what we needed!

                                                  

 

This. Is. {Almost}. 35.

When This Is Us first aired, I was suffering from severe post-partum depression and the trailer for the show put me into uncontrollable sobs. I decide that I couldn't handle anymore emotional intake especially when it began with the loss of one of their children. But as people continued to rave about the show and the start of season 2 approached, I decided to take a look. I watched all of season 1 in about 4 days on my iPhone in bed with Kleenex in hand. I laughed and cried simultaneously. And became hooked. I have watched season 2 religiously along with the rest of America on Tuesday nights at 9pm and I have come to love the Pearson family.

 

What I love about the show so much is the positivity. The realness. The rawness. The old school family values. While they battle difficult situations and issues, they do it together as a couple or as a family. They weather the storms together. One can't help but just root for all 5 of them.

The show is wholesome in a world where innocence is stripped so easily. It is funny but not so sarcastic that it loses its human touch. And it is sad. Sad because while they are only a "TV family", the characters are {like always} based off of real people and real life events. 

Truth be told, the last 3 episodes have been intense. They have been more sad than happy. Building up to the death of Jack and really unraveling some of the deeper issues that the "big 3" struggle with due to their childhood and his passing. They have been tearjerkers to say the least. And last night's episode, well let me tell you what it had me feeling emotionally...

 

I have cried all day. Yes, you read this correctly. Crying on and off all day. As if the Pearsons are my family or my friends. As if these events actually happened in legit real life. I haven't been able to stop my brain from replaying last nights episode or watching it online. And people who watch the show, they get it. People who don't keep asking me what is wrong and I just say "This is Us." 

But honestly, the tears are more than that. You see I can relate to the characters. Each and every one of them. That is why we all love the show so so much. Next month I turn 35 which is essentially the same age as the present day big 3 so there is reflection in my mind and awareness of life's journey {past, present, and future}.

Lets start with Jack, because well he is the best. Jack is my dad. Perfection in basically every way. He always makes the right decision. He always loves his wife and sees the best in her. To him, my mom is his Rebecca. She has been for 40+ years. He has always operated as a team with her first, then the family is the next team. And God my dad is always so patient with us kids. He just wants to see us joyful and he is always proud. His work ethic is unparalleled and has been from day one. But he does have his vice. It isn't drinking; it is his eating habits. Yet just like Jack, even is his vice he is graceful and cognizant of his family...like the time he had a stroke and let us all go to the Bahamas for my mom's birthday trip before he shared his little secret. He didn't want to ruin our time. He always puts our family first.

Rebecca, oh Rebecca, you pull at my heart strings so much. The young mother version is who I so desperately want to be. The one who doesn't raise her voice or fight back with her kids. The mother who accepts and understands that all of her children are different and that they must be loved in their own ways. I want to be that mom to my kids. I do, I do, I do. But I yell too much and I expect far greater than I should from my small children. 

Then there is the older mother version. And she makes my heart hurt for her. The sadness in her eyes for the great love she lost. The fairy-tale romance that was stripped from her taking pure joy from her heart. She is content with Miguel and I often wonder if that is all you get once you lose great love as I don't know that it comes around a second time. What is the hardest to watch is the strained relationship she has with her kids. Like somehow she lost them in a way when she lost Jack. I do not want to be the older version of Rebecca. I do not want to lose my joy in life; in any way shape or form.

As the oldest, Kevin really hits home to me when it comes to being the independent one. When Rebecca said to him that she never had to worry about him as a kid and now realized that was wrong, I thought about my own mom. I have always been self sufficient, a go-getter, and very independent. So I think as a parent it is easy to let go of that worry for such kids. But as I have become an adult, I have battled things that are difficult; things that I needed her to worry and needed her to pick me up. And sometimes I think that has been difficult for her. Not because she doesn't want to or loves me any less, but because she wasn't/isn't used to that worry for me. 

Then young Kevin often reminds me of Aspen. He is athletic, happy to be by himself, a little stand off-ish, good looking ;) And if I am being completely honest, he has often gotten lost in the shuffle. He hasn't always gotten the attention that he needed and he does lash out in ways that I worry about. So I flash forward to him growing up and I hope that he doesn't ever feel like his childhood wasn't good or that we don't have special moments. Because we do, at least to me.

Kate is just amazing. You just can't help but love her and be drawn to her. As a mom to two girls, it breaks my heart to know that some mean girl is going to hurt them at some point. Maybe not over their weight or their looks but by something. And the pain they will feel will break me. Adelaide is already aware of these friendship issues as she will report back who hurt her feelings from school. And I know that she probably does some hurting too and they are only in JK but it is already beginning. I have always said to her that she is beautiful but I have taught her that she is most beautiful in her mind and in her heart. I hope she never loses the amazement and the spunk that I see in her. I hope that I never let her down as her mom {Salem too} and that she knows how much I love her.

Oh Randall, you are truly a gem. A perfectionist plus someone who wants to be liked by all...who hasn't struggled with this at some point in their life honestly?! You see him try so hard to be loved and accepted by everyone. One of the hardest moments to watch was on the boys camping trip and his notebook read "try to make Kevin less mad." It reminds me of my relationship with my sisters and how I really love them so much & never want to upset them or make them mad. And when they are upset with me it cuts to my core because I just want them to know how much they mean to me. 

Then I look at my kids, especially the boys, and I see them bicker and compete. I don't ever want them to think that I love one more than the other. Because I love them both so much it hurts. I want them to be there for each other in the thick & thin. I want them to just know when the other is struggling and to reach out with open arms. They are so different but they are both so special. 

So my tears today were more than just "This is Us". They were a reflection. A reflection of my own childhood. Of my own relationships with my parents. With my siblings. A reflection of the romantic, fairy tale that I have always dreamed of since I was a little girl. Of my own marriage. A reflection of the mother that I am. Of the mother that I want to be. Of my children, the 4 most amazing things that I have ever had the privilege of creating. A reflection of how I hope they will look back on their childhood. Of the relationship we will continue to build as mother & child now and in the years to come. A reflection of joy. Of team work and partnership. Of family. Of love. Of life.

This. Is. {Almost} 35.

The Ending of An Era: Pregnancy

Four weeks. Four weeks left. In this era of my life.

I was 28 years old the first time I became pregnant. I am 34 years old now for the last time that I will be pregnant. And I have been pregnant at every.single.age. in between.

As I sit and write this, I have so many emotions wavering around in my heart and in my head. I am closing out a chapter of my life (the pregnancy days) that I have enjoyed immensely. I truly do love being pregnant. From the first positive test to the very last moment that baby kicks inside my belly. I love it all. I have been fortunate to carry on with my normal life mostly while pregnant. I don't know what morning sickness is like and my biggest symptom is nose bleeds. Of course I have been tired throughout each pregnancy but who isn't tired at this stage of life?!

I have been blessed with a {mostly} easy road when it comes to getting pregnant and having babies. Despite suffering a miscarriage and postpartum depression, I wouldn't have wished that pregnancy away. Every moment of the blessing of being pregnant from God has enriched my life in ways that I never dreamed possible.

So I will relish and savor and bottle up these last few weeks. Cherishing the kicks and the flutters. Remembering the moments of keeping sweet baby girl safe inside my tummy. I will hold tight to the beauty of life and the gift that God blessed me with as a woman: the ability to bare children.

Pregnancy After Miscarriage: Our Rainbow Baby

It is hard to believe that I am at the half way point of this pregnancy {by the time this posts I will actually be on the other half ;) }. 20 weeks seems long yet short. I have waited these kicks and stretches; these flutters and hiccups. I have held my breath for most of this pregnancy, internally of course. On the outside, I have tried to keep my fears & insecurities contained. Working to put my faith in the Lord that this sweet baby would be safe, growing strong, and thriving in life. It hasn't been easy and I have had "check points" along the way to give me peace of mind. But I am proud of myself for handling pregnancy after miscarriage much better than I ever thought I would.
 

 

I have visited Sweet Baby Face twice for extra heartbeat and movement checks. I bought a doppler reader for daily/weekly heartbeat monitors at home. I have teetered around conversations about names and guesses on the gender. I felt like if it wasn't spoken out loud, then it couldn't be taken back. Then it wouldn't hurt so badly if it all came crumbling down. 

This pregnancy is different on an emotional level than any of the others. For two reasons. One being that it does come after a miscarriage. The other being it is the last baby for me. The last pregnancy. The last positive pregnancy test. The last glucose test. The last kicks and moves inside my belly. The last labor. The last delivery. The last joyous moment of meeting my baby for the first time. 

 
So I am working to enjoy every moment of it. The growth and the monthly doctor appointments. The weekly emails on the size of the baby. I don't mind for the time to pass slowly honestly. I want to savor the last firsts that come with pregnancy. I want to soak up every second of the miracle of life and growing this sweet thing inside my belly. 

Here's to you my sweet baby...thank you for the gift of you and the gift of life you are allowing me to carry!

Mom Life. The Hard Life. The Best Life.

I am writing this blog post from a place of exhaustion. Because yes I am exhausted on all levels. I am coming off a night of literally no sleep. A night of being woke every single hour on the hour by either my husband or one of my children. There truly is nothing like them all reminding me during Mother's Day week that my job as a mom is indeed 24/7.

This is week 3 in a series of being woken by one of the kids nightly. Aspen is getting his 2 year molars and I loathe teething. Especially for him. Because nothing helps his extreme pain. And I mean nothing. (My mother-in-law likes to take ownership that her side of the family produces early teethers. Well then I will blame and curse her side of the family as this is anything but a positive attribute from them.) So it is constant screaming, crying, coughing, vomiting from coughing so hard, runny nose, biting through his pacifier, and so forth. A true delight to parenting.

Adelaide is on a new kick of waking up to pee around 1am each night and then wanting to get in bed with us. You all we still have a queen size bed. Yes, that is downright ridiculous and doesn't make for kid co-sleeping. So I either fight her or trade her places in hopes that she will be quiet and not wake her brothers in the middle of the night...they do that on their own so I don't need her assisting them. She also has night terrors when she is too tired. Those are my absolute favorite as she screams and cries while still asleep for 20 minutes. Then she enjoys waking at 6:15am to watch her iPod touch before school. Seriously WTF?!

Brighton, my little sleepless wonder, has battled pneumonia, teething, miniature bassinet cramming-ness, and everything in between over the last 3 months. We finally let him cry it out a month ago which was great...but now he is in his crib and so crying it out from 5:15-6:30 while right next to the others is dangerous to me. Some nights he sleeps until 7am and other times he is up at 1am for Orajel then up at 5am for a bottle.

Now I am not one who needs 10+ hours of sleep but I do require more than say 4 to 5 hours of sleep. And I certainly require more than one hour intervals of sleep. This is mostly because I get sick when I do not have enough sleep. It is basically the only time I get sick...too many nights/weeks/months of not enough sleep. Not to mention that patience ain't my strong suit. So lack of sleep + getting sick + screaming children all day long = an angry bird mother with zero patience.

While we are on the topic of motherhood, let me note a few other things here. I resigned from my job about 8 weeks ago. It is a long, complicated story that I can't really speak more about at the present. While there are a plethora of great things that come from going back to being simply a "stay-at-home" mom, one of them is NOT that people apparently don't respect just stay-at-home moms. One person in particular who happens to live at my house and is an adult, not to name names or anything. Yea not cool. And since this person feels that way, I had to cut back my babysitter to one day a week instead of two because why would I possibly need her two days now that I do not "work"? Ummmmm I don't know maybe for my SANITY!!!!!

I am also trying to figure out why kids back talk their parents now at the age of 2/3/4 and on up. I NEVER would have dreamed of speaking that way to my mom. Ever. Not until I was at least 16 years old and then only in rare occasion. And my dad would have reached across the room and smacked me so hard in the face if I had dared speak to my mom that way. Thus putting an end to it. End of story.

I want to be clear that this is not meant to be a complaining blog post. It is a truthful blog post. And I know that I became pregnant 3 times (and even want a 4th child) with the intent to have children. I know it was my/our choice to have kids and have them rather quickly. But that doesn't mean that I have to enjoy the lack of sleep, screaming tantrums, fights to change poopy diapers, back talk, etc.

I want to be truthful. I want to be honest. Because people comment a lot to me that I seem so laid back and calm. That I look like I have my sh!t together. Oh bahahahaha that is so nice of them to think and really I appreciate the compliment. Then I sort of cringe because I am afraid that it makes them feel bad. And then I tell Ryan what they have said and he laughs because he thinks I am a train wreck.

Truthfully, there is nothing laid back or calm about me as a person much less mom except for the fact that I don't wash pacifiers that have fallen on pavement or rip puffs from their hands that have touched Target's floor or freak when their brand new clothing has food/mud/dirt/blood stains on them from them living their lives. I just can't pull it together enough to be a germ-a-phobe.

Honestly, I also say a lot of 4 letter words when the kids are stressing me out (don't judge me on as someone made them into bad words eons ago...pickle could have been a curse word). I raise my voice and I expect a lot from them. I know they are children but I do not want to raise brats who have no concept of the real world. I.just.can't.deal.with.that.thought. I will know that I have failed at my greatest job if that happens. I am quick to snap. Impatient. I can be hard on my kids even at their ages. I am hardest on Adelaide. Maybe because she is the oldest. Maybe because she is a girl. Maybe because she is so much like me. Maybe because the thought of her growing up terrifies me.

I think that being a mother is so much harder these days than when my mom was raising us. Mainly because of social media. We post joyful pictures of our kids and spouses and in photos it all looks really perfect. I am so guilty of this as well. What I should do is post pictures from the hours betweeb 4pm and 7pm when it is utter chaos in this house. When it looks like a small tornado of cars and dolls have whipped through every room. When I crack open wine to take one little sip at 4:55pm in hopes that it will be enough to get me through dinner, bath, and bedtime with 3 kids 3.5 years and under.

More honesty...there is a lot of fighting between Ryan and I (he will not be happy about me writing this down but its the truth). We argue a lot about anything and everything. We argue in the middle of the night as he tells me he is tired right after I have been up for the 15th time with one of the kids. We BOTH say hurtful, nasty things to one another. And it hurts. A lot. We have yet to face a challenge together with grace from the start. No, we find it much more fun to battle each other while going through difficult times and then figure out that the only way through it is to face it together, unified, on the same side. He is gone a lot. It is lonely. And when he is here, well, he isn't always ALL here. Having 3 kids, moving across the country, living in NY, being a banker, having ZERO family here, growing up completely different, and both having strong personalities {all in 5 years} has been challenging. I moved a lot and made a lot of sacrifices for his job. I kept uprooting the life I had made for myself for him. He doesn't quite appreciate that or see it that way. It causes tension. And there is some resentment I think on my part at times. 

I think that being married is even harder than being a mother at this day and age. You are competing with a million other things for a spouses attention. Like his phone, iPad, laptop, TV, kids, friends, etc. And apparently chivalry is dead or only reserved for anniversaries. Also, I am sorry seems to be like saying you are a terrorist about to bomb a village and unacceptable. No really it is okay to admit fault and say you are sorry. It is okay to romance your wife. It is also okay to let her sleep in on the weekends and feed her donuts in bed...with mimosas.

Raising kids without my parents nearby, specifically my mom, has been hard. It wasn't ever how I envisioned it going for me. I try hard not to get jealous that my sisters and brother are there to share their adult lives with my parents as well as their kids enjoying times with Mimi & Papa. But, if I am telling the full truth, I do get jealous. Not of them but of the time that I want to be a part of with them and my siblings. I feel sad for my kids to not get to celebrate their birthdays with them, their school plays, their dance recitals, etc with their extended family.

I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my sisters and my brother. I miss my nephew and nieces. I miss my best friends from college. I miss Kentucky. I cry a lot over it. I can't help it. It's hard. I never intended to live away for my entire life when I moved to Miami for graduate school in 2005.

The biggest truth would be that I have hard days. Really hard days. Days where I cry and am not even sure why I am crying. Days where I am only getting out of bed for my kids, literally! Days where the world seems heavy and my problems seem overwhelming. But I think that everyone has those days at some point in their life. Whether they are willing to admit it to others and in an open forum.

But here is my favorite truth...my life is blessed. I have a roof over my head. Food on the table. Clothes on my back. My kids are happy. My kids are loved. My problems and struggles, while real to me, are so low on the tragic totem pole of life. And for every hard moment, I have an amazing moment to get me through. I have wonderful people who have helped lift me up when it was hard. Friends to listen, advise, laugh, cry, and then pop open a bottle of expensive champagne on a Tuesday afternoon just for the hell of it ;)

So in closing, I came across this shirt on my friend Abby's Instagram awhile back and had to have it. I wear it proudly. Because I love being a mom. It is a special tribe. It is an honor to be apart of that club truly. And while there are long & hard days, I would not trade the life I have today.