The Guilt of a Mother: True Life Confessions

At some point after Adelaide was born, I read an article about how parents should stop saying "no" and redirect the conversation. I guess I should have read it a few more times as Adelaide can't get enough of telling Ryan and I "no."

If you want to take a look at yourself and how you behave, take a look at your child sometime. Its quite a sobering feeling. It makes you stop and think how you talk to your child, your spouse, and others.

For example, 95% of the time Adelaide says "please" or "thank you" to me because that is how I generally ask her for or to do things. She hardly says those words to Ryan because he doesn't use them towards anyone.

But although I have manners, I have heard my child say *with the exact feelings and meaning that I do it* "damnit" when she is frustrated with something. I do catch myself laughing from time to time as this tiny little toddler captures the essence and beauty of honest life. However I am not 100% sure that I want her exploiting that honesty at school.

I also hear her say "stop it" and "give me" all too much. So much that I am trying to be extremely aware of my own behavior and ways of asking/telling.

Before becoming a mom, I lived with relatively few regrets. And not much guilt at all. Well since becoming a mother, I feel like the guilt is often too overwhelming for my liking. Guilt for not being strict enough. Guilt for being too strict. Guilt for rocking Adelaide that extra time even though I know she is asking for it just to stay awake a little longer. Guilt for not rocking her even longer. Guilt for raising my voice. Guilt for losing my patience. Guilt for giving her that extra cookies (ah well I actually don't feel guilt over that ;) ).

I often wonder at what point does a mother lose her guilt. At what point does she give herself the benefit of the doubt. At what point does she say to herself, "hey listen you are doing the best job that you possibly can so give yourself a break." Or does that never come? Because just like in all other things, there is always room for improvement.

I hope that someday I am able to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made as a mother. I hope that my children will forgive me too. And I hope that when they become parents, they will understand how truly rewarding but difficult it is to be the best parent you can be. I hope they will always know that everything I have done and will done is with love.

Our Life in Pictures Lately

Around here we have been staying warm and trying not to go stir crazy...

As you can see, pants are optional...

But tennis is a must...

And dress up is too much fun to pass up...

This guy gets bigger by the minute...

Wine and books are my go tos...

Nighttime snuggles are the best way to end the day...

I hope you are all enjoying January and all things winter :)

Carissa & Ben: A Cousin Wedding

While back in the Kentucky, I had the pleasure of attending Ryan's cousin Ben's wedding. Ben's parents Aunt Gussie & Uncle Leo came all the way out to CA for our wedding which was much appreciated so there was no way I was missing this. My date was short and sassy...keeping me on my toes all night ;)

Carissa, the blushing bride, looked gorgeous in her white gown. She was grinning from ear to ear the entire evening. The ceremony was quaint and special at the Highland Baptist Church. The reception was spectacular with rooftop views of the city.

Laura, Ben's sister...love her!

I loved their colors...navy with a silvery/gray overlay. Everything was beautiful and sparkly! Adelaide and I had a great time. Well she pretty much pretended like the venue was her playground. She is always comfortable in her own! I had a nice time chatting with Ryan's family and seeing two become one.

Cheers to a lifetime of love & happiness!

A Spa Day To Remember

We spent the morning of Kendahl's 30th surprising her with a spa day. A private room with foot soaks, spritzers, and muffins from our fave (My Favorite Muffin) kicked off the much needed morning of relaxation. Then we each got 30 minute massages and 30 minute facials before our shampoo & style. Capped off with a make-up refresher.

It was so nice to be together, get pampered, and enjoy all things girly. Kendahl was very surprised and so appreciative making it even more special! I highly recommend Joseph's Salon & Spa if you are in the Louisville area. They made sure our entire experience, from start to finish, was perfection!

Aspen Michael: 8 Months

Dearest Aspen, 

How are you already 8 months old?! Your first birthday is rapidly approaching and I don't know where the time has gone!

We celebrated your first Christmas and you loved every second of it. You opened gifts by ripping the wrapping paper and eating it. You played with several of your toys; sitting up like such a big boy and grinning from ear to ear.

You then escaped to the warmth for your first trip to Naples, FL. You, my son, are a beach boy just like your mommy! You enjoyed naps outside, walks in the warm sun, and the lounge-life style. 

You are doing new little tricks like waving your hands and turning them from side to side as you look in amazement. You like to shake your little head no and laugh while doing it. You bang your arms on your highchair as to say "more more more." 

Speaking of food, you are quite the eater. You have tried turkey, ham, bananas, and apples in non-baby food form. You are constantly craving more my big growing boy!

You have 4 teeth now...your two front bottom and your two top sides (just off the front teeth). They've given you a world of trouble and have been quite painful, but you took it all in stride. You are currently getting two more and they are not fun. Pretty soon you will be having a mouth full of teeth!

You have sort of put yourself on two naps when we are home. You sleep for about three hours in the late morning and then for an hour or so in the late afternoon/early evening. You like fighting bedtime as I rock you and you do anything to keep from falling asleep. Like pulling my hair or giggling at me with that sweet smile.

We celebrated MLK weekend in KY for Kiki's 30th birthday! You love playing with baby Boston, Coopie, Collins, and of course your partner Bishop! And they love spending time with you too!

I love you!

Love,

Mommy

Happy 30th Birthday to My Sister Kendahl!

I literally cannot believe that my little sister is 30 today. That is old...which makes me old since I am almost 2 years older! EEK!!!

We have had our ups and downs. We have fought. We have laughed. We have cried. But through the last 30 years one thing has remained which is always having each other's backs. (Just ask some people who have tried to cross us ;) ).

dance recital...splish splash!

one of my all time favorite pics of us

blonde and brunette

all grown up!

oshkosh and co

just the 6 of us :)

I am forever grateful that Kendahl came into my life on January 16, 1985. I used to crawl in the crib with her and keep her safe at night. I talked for her. I advised her. I was the first person to know that she was pregnant with Bishop over 5 years ago. I ask her for parenting advise. I admire the mother and wife she has become. And as we used to say as kids, I love her and like her so much!

Happy Birthday Kendahl! So happy to be in Kentucky celebrating with you!

2015: New Year's Resolutions

The first week of 2015 has come to a close and I like to think that I am on a good start to keeping my resolutions! Who knows how long they will be kept up but at least I haven't fallen off the wagon yet! Ha!

To hold me accountable, here are the things that I am striving to work on this year:

Self:

Take care of ME

Acupuncture to heal neck/shoulder

Barre class 2x week

Ease the aging process: Facial every month, Massage every other month

Marriage:

TEAM

Don’t argue in front of the children

Stay CALM especially when disagreeing

Have a date night 2x month

Parenting:

Work on growing our family

Adelaide- gentle parent, firm without raising voice, potty train, activity of French/music/sport

Aspen- sleep in crib, give more one-on-one attention, activity of music & swim

Relationships:

Talk to dad and siblings 1x week

Travel:

Delaware in the spring

Bahamas in June

Fall trip out west

Girls trip with Mom/Kendahl/Taylor/Amanda

I hope that each of you have continued success in your goals/resolutions for this year. Life is all about fresh starts and a new year allows those to naturally happen :)

Cheers to 2015!

A New Year, A New Project

January means resetting on the past year. A clean slate. A fresh start. It also means that I generally make up several household projects to complete...because there really is nothing better than start off the year feeling accomplished.

I decided to do something with those photo Christmas cards that had been collecting dust for over half a decade...

And I wanted to finally style our office bookshelves. You know three years after moving into this house...

picture of me with my Mama Comley

my mommy and me

I used mostly things that we already had and then browsed Target and Homegoods for sale items. Our shelves are painted green so I needed to find complimentary colors. I wanted it to look more rustic and mainly as it is technically Ryan's office. I had so many black frames already and several brown so I went with adding yellow/gold pieces. A few pops of color with the coral globes, red heart bookends, and teal flower vase (all of which we already had). I color coordinated the books based off the spine color. I love the addition of the newborn canvas prints of my babies. The whole project only took me about 3 hours which is amazing when you have a toddler who wants to "help" and a baby who loves attention :)

What projects do you have planned in the new year?!